66 Climbs, One Destination : Finding Freedom in the Forest

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This article is purely my reflection of the deep spiritual journey and the paradox of finding freedom through the fire of discipline. As they say, any spiritual pursuit is very personal and experiential. No words or experience is standard, and the unexpected experiences are almost often most rewarding, this I say with benefit of hindsight. Not expecting anything, performing a pilgrimage for the sake of it, not even yearning for a Darshan or ascension of 18th Holy steps is a state that attracts abundance of blessings from Him. Simply treat it as a journey of a jigyasu’s soul that seeks to find its home.

65th Pilgrimage – June 2025
64th Pilgrimage (February 2025)

To complete 66 pilgrimages is no ordinary feat for an ordinary mortal like me. For us it is an abundance of compassionate blessings from Him, carved into the hills where Ultimate devotee of Shri Rama, Shabari sought and found her Beloved. In the tradition of Sabarimala, 18th, 36th, and 54th pilgrimages are milestones, actually the years following the numbers – 19, 37 & 55 is significant as we go again as a Kanni Swami (First-timer) on these pilgrimages. Kanni Swami is bringing every pilgrim down to earth, on to the first step from the 18th. In my initial pilgrimages, much before the Patinettampadi was plated, pilgrims break coconuts on the step corresponding to their number of pilgrimages – 1st timer on the 1st, 2nd timer on the 2nd and so on. After the 18th rebooting the pilgrimage and breaking the coconut on the 1st during 19th Pilgrimage as Kanni Swami is to help us shed any ego that set in us.

Patinettam Thirupadi (18 Holy Steps)

There is a strange, divine gravity at Sabarimala. Every time I stand before the Patinettampadi (the 18 holy steps), I feel I am seeing them for the first time, yet I have been coming home for 66 time.  The word Tatvamasi (written as Thathwamasi on the facade of the Sannidhanam) is the final destination of the Vratam. I say this with utmost sincerity, It isn’t just a sign; it is a spiritual mirror. I am sure every pilgrim feels the same. Literally, it is yelling at the pilgrim “The One you have been searching for in the forest, across the rivers, and up the 18 steps is actually YOU.”  (Tat: That (the Supreme Reality); Tvam: You (the Individual); Asi: Are which means Thou Art That”) For the curious, Tatvamasi is one of the four Mahavakyas (Great Utterances) from the Upanishads.

Tatvamasi

People often ask, “Why go back so many times for a 15-20 second Darshan?” They don’t realize that those few seconds are the spark, but the 41-day Vratam is the fuel. Contrary to what people generally have come to believe, the 41-day (called a Mandala) Vratam (Penance) is not a period of restriction; it is a period of unburdening. Wearing the Black itself is a huge burden off the head. While we otherwise live to the world’s requirement of etiquette, dress and behaviour by wearing black, I shed the ego of style and status. We become invisible to the world (and vice versa) and visible only to the Divine – a one-to-one conversation.

Walking without footwear isn’t about physical pain; I attribute my perfect health with absolutely no prescription life (like Diet or Exercise etc) to this bare foot trek. Unknowingly, a acupressure working its magic on me. It’s also about staying grounded and feeling the pulse of the Earth—the same Earth 12-year-old Manikanta walked upon. Can there be a better incentive than this for a pilgrimage. Walk with me and you will realise what I am trying to say.

The Sattvic Life & Brahmacharya is not about sacrifice. When we control what we eat, say, and think, we realize we aren’t slaves to our impulses. The Vratam is a “mental detox.” It sharpens the mind so that when you finally stand at the Sannidhanam, your soul is clear enough to reflect the light of the Shri Dharma Shasta.

My 1st Guruswami, my Father initiated us, 4 brothers into this Pilgrimage when I was in Class 2. When we brothers got used to luxuries like inability to sleep on mat when we attended a wedding, or walking without footwear etc very early in our lives, he made us realise that is not a luxury, it is bondage and the only way he thought we could learn was experiencing it. When Sabarimala was not as developed as today and with no accommodation in Sannidhanam, the arduous bare-foot trek made us feel that the floor on which we laid down (Viri) was better and luxurious that the Foam Bed that we could not sleep without. We often think discipline is a cage. Sabarimala pilgrimages taught me that it is actually the key. When I follow the strict rules of the pilgrimage, I am no longer worried about my cravings or my social standing. I am free from the “Self” (the Aham). This discipline doesn’t stifle me; it protects me from the chaos of the outside world.

Just a Break on the most luxurious Seat
(Nothing to do with Medical Emergency)

In the forest, under the weight of the Irumudi, I am not a Corporate Executive, a father, or a citizen. I am simply “Swami.” There is no greater freedom than losing your identity in the chant of “Swamiye Saranam Ayyappa.” This is the reason why every pilgrim at Sabarimala—regardless of their job, wealth, or age—is called “Swami.” When you wear the Mala, the world stops seeing you as an individual and starts seeing you as a manifestation of the Lord. By calling every other pilgrim “Swami,” you are practicing Tatvamasi—recognizing the divine spark in every person you meet on the trek. When you reach the Sannidhanam and read “Tatvamasi,” it is a reminder that once the ego is dropped, only the Divine remains.

The Luxurious Throne

A quick Darshan is a divine tease. It’s like a single drop of nectar that makes you crave the whole bottle. At 66th pilgrimage, the trek isn’t get easier, but I can vouch that my heart gets lighter. I return every year because, in those brief seconds before His Murti, time stops. The exhaustion of the trek, the sweat, and the 41 days of penance all vanish, making me feel it was fictitious in the first place. I come back again & again simply to experience the high of freedom of being His.

Swami Sharanam

PS: It will be unfair if I don’t acknowledge our Pilgrim Gang – about 25 of them are common in all pilgrimages. They make the entire process from Vratam to Irumudi to Pilgrimage a Wonderful Experience. Thank you Swamis, Malikappurams, Manikantas

Connection Over Calculations : The Arjuna Way

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In the land of Kurukshetra it was war time between 2 armies of cousins (Kauravas & Pandavas). They were vying for control of Hastinapur. While both sides were very powerful and fearless, the difference was that the Kauravas were very arrogant while the Pandavas were very humble and positive. During those times, it was normal for warring parties to seek alliance alliance with other powerful kings and kingdoms to help in the war. Both Duryodhana and Arjuna arrived in Dwarka at the same time to ask for Krishna’s support in the upcoming war. Krishna was asleep.

Krishna’s offer to Arjuna was “I will provide my great courageous army (Narayani Sena) to one of you and my guidance and moral support to another one. As I will not take part in the war myself. Arjuna as you are the younger one & as I saw you first, “I will let you choose first. Tell me which one would you like from me.” Duryodhana was very scared that Arjuna would choose the great army and win the war. But surprisingly, Arjuna chose Krishna’s guidance and moral support without hesitation. Duryodhana was full of joy and chose the Narayani Sena as help from Krishna. Foolish Duryodhana didn’t even think that without Krishna the Narayani Sena was merely an army and chose it. While the smart Arjuna knew that with Krishna’s guidance his victory was confirmed.

Since Duryodhana viewed Krishna as a military asset. He wanted the Narayani Sena (the massive army). By sitting at the head, he focused on status and his own needs. He didn’t want the person; he wanted the product. He treated the King of Dwarka like a vendor and that is exactly what he got.

Duryodhana Arrives First & Towers over Krishna at His head
PC: Co-Pilot

Contrast this with what Arjuna did who arrived later and sat humbly at Krishna’s feet. When Krishna woke up, his eyes fell on Arjuna first. Arjuna wasn’t there to deal; he was there to seek guidance and strength from someone he loved and respected. Arjuna chose a single, unarmed Krishna over a million soldiers. He chose the relationship over the transaction.

Krishna opens His eyes and sees Arjuna at this feet first
PC: Copilot

Because Duryodhana was transactional, he left with exactly what he asked for—the army. But he missed the “Soul” of the victory. Arjuna, by choosing the relationship, gained the Bhagavad Gita and a guide who ensured his ultimate success. Duryodhana got the stuff but lost the war. Arjuna got the person and won everything.

When you deal with others with a “What can I get?” attitude (the head), you might get the favor, but you lose the ally. When you approach with “How can we connect?” (the feet), you gain the wisdom and support that money or power can’t buy.

A relationship be it Personal or Professional, is an exchange of energy, not just of information. When you treat it like a transaction, you strip away the humanity and turn a connection into a calculation. This mindset is a sureshot prescription for failure and consequently leaves behind huge damage many time irreparable.

In a transaction, you give ₹X to get Y. It is closed-ended and selfish. A true relationship is generative. It creates new ideas, builds trust, and fosters empathy—things that don’t have a fixed “price tag.” As the old saying in India goes, When you stop counting what you get back, you open the door to genuine insight and long-term loyalty.

If people feel you only talk to them when you need something, they stop listening. You become a user and not a partner. We know what happened when a colleague who messages you only when he needs a favor, never once asking how your weekend was or how a difficult project ended. Eventually, you start ignoring their pings. Trust dies over a period of time in such cases.

Transactions have narrow goals. If you only talk to people “useful” to your current goal, you miss out on the unexpected brilliance of diverse perspectives. At a networking event if you only speak to CEOs, you may end up losing the quiet person in the corner who happens to be a brilliant consultant or someone who could have become a lifelong friend. This is the cost of leaving no chance for serendeptiy.

Lastly, treating every interaction as a deal is exhausting. It turns your social life into a spreadsheet. You lose the joy of simply being heard and understood. When a salesperson treats a client purely as a commission check, client starts feeling the pressure, senses the lack of care, and eventually switches to a competitor who actually remembers their name.

People don’t remember what you asked for; they remember how you made them feel while asking.

Joy of Giving: Dignity Matters

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“Charity is injurious unless it helps the recipient to become independent of it.” — John D. Rockefeller

True generosity requires the humility to wait for an invitation and the wisdom to give in a way that makes the receiver feel stronger, not smaller.

Karna & Mountain of Gold

Bhagwan Krishna, wanting to teach Arjuna a lesson about true charity, turned two mountains into solid gold. He first asked Arjuna to distribute them to the poor. Arjuna, being methodical and perhaps a bit egoistic about the task, spent days laboriously measuring portions of gold to ensure every villager got an “equal” and “fair” share. He eventually became exhausted and frustrated by the never-ending task.
When Krishna asked Karna to do the same, Karna simply called over two passing villagers and said, “These two mountains of gold are yours; do with them as you wish.”

A Gift Once Given Belongs to Recipient – Don’t Manage Usage
PC: Google Gemini


While Arjuna tried to manage the charity, imposing his own ideas of how it should be received and used. Karna recognized that once a gift is given, it belongs to the receiver. He didn’t force a system of distribution on them; he respected their agency to handle the wealth themselves.

Dronacharya & King Drupada

The rivalry between Dronacharya and King Drupada is a classic example of how unsolicited charity can be perceived as an insult. Drona and Drupada were childhood friends. Years later, when Drona was impoverished, he went to Drupada for help, calling him “friend.” Drupada, now a king, insulted Drona, saying a beggar and a king cannot be friends. Later, after Drona became the teacher of the Pandavas, he had them defeat Drupada in battle.

Respect Recipient’s Dignity: Else a Surrender or a Gift is Worthless
PC: Google Gemini

Drona then in infinite wisdom and goodness generously gave half the kingdom back to Drupada, saying, “Now we are equals, and we can be friends.” Drupada did not see this as charity or a kind gesture. He saw it as a forced humiliation. This unsolicited gift of his own land sparked a burning desire for revenge, leading Drupada to perform a sacrifice to obtain a son (Dhrishtadyumna) specifically to kill Drona.

Types of Charity from Bhagavad Gita (Guna based)

In the Bhagavad Gita (17:20), Krishna defines the highest form of charity (Satvika Daan) with specific criteria.. When it is done as a duty (Datavyamiti), without expectation of return. This Charity purifies the giver’s heart and at the same time maintains the receiver’s dignity.

दातव्यमिति यद्दानं दीयतेऽनुपकारिणे ।
देशे काले च पात्रे च तद्दानं सात्त्विकं स्मृतम् ॥

Charity given out of duty, without expectation of return, at the proper time and place, and to a worthy person is considered to be in the mode of goodness

In the Bhagavad Gita (17:21), Krishna talks about the next form of charity (Rajasic Daan). When a charity is given with the hope of a reward or grudgingly (Pariklistam) it is not of the purest form. It is sometimes performed for elevation to the heavenly kingdom and sometimes with great trouble and with repentance afterwards or sometimes given under some obligation, at the request of a superior. This is often forced charity. It inflates the giver’s ego and makes the receiver feel like a project or a debtor.

यत्तु प्रत्युपकारार्थं फलमुद्दिश्य वा पुन: ।
दीयते च परिक्ल‍ि‍ष्टं तद्दानं राजसं स्मृतम् ॥

Charity performed with the expectation of some return, or with a desire for fruitive results, or in a grudging mood is said to be charity in the mode of passion

In the Bhagavad Gita (17:22), Krishna talks about the last & most undesirable form of charity (Tamasic Daan). Charity given at the wrong time/place, to an unworthy person, or with contempt/disdain (Avajnatam) is a form that is better avoided. Neither the Donor nor the Donee is elevated in this context. This humiliates the receiver. It is unsolicited help that actually harms or degrades the person receiving it.

अदेशकाले यद्दानमपात्रेभ्यश्च दीयते ।
असत्कृतमवज्ञातं तत्तामसमुदाहृतम्

Charity performed at an impure place, at an improper time, to unworthy persons, or without proper attention and respect is said to be in the mode of ignorance.

Quite often all these profound truths are overlooked in the rush to do good. The dynamic between a Donor and a Donee is a delicate social and psychological ecosystem. When that balance is ignored, help can inadvertently become a tool of disempowerment. Dignity is the internal sense of worth. In many cultures and psychological frameworks, receiving help can feel like a debt that cannot be repaid, creating an immediate power imbalance. Clearly distinguish between two types of giving. Never become a Vertical Giver where giver looks down at the receiver. This is clear prescription for resentment and a sense of inferiority. On the contrary be a Horizontal Giver where there is a sense of partnership. The giver views the receiver as an equal who is currently facing a challenge, recognizing that roles could easily be reversed.

Helping someone who hasn’t asked for it can sometimes be perceived as a boundary violation or invasion of personal independence” It sends a subtle, most likely unintended message: “I don’t think you are capable of handling this yourself.” When we intervene without invitation, we strip the individual of the opportunity to solve their own problems, which is essential for building self-efficacy and end up giving them what I call a “Savior Complex” – This occurs when the giver’s need to feel helpful outweighs the receiver’s actual needs. The focus shifts from the problem at hand to the giver’s internal validation.

Respect the Recipient: Indian philosophy says, Charity is not a favour one does to the recipient it is the donor who is actually being blessed by the Donee’s willingness to accept.
Giver’s Ego: Forcing charity often stems from the giver’s desire to feel powerful or virtuous, rather than a genuine focus on the receiver’s needs.
Karmic Interference: On the flip-side intervening unsolicited in another’s struggle may interfere with their Prarabdha Karma (destiny they must work through), though this is often balanced by the duty to show compassion (Karuna).

Most important factor is the Timing and Context. Timing is everything. For help to be effective, the receiver must be in a state of readiness—both emotionally and logistically—to utilize the resources provided. Giving a how-to manual to someone in the middle of an emotional crisis is a mismatch of readiness. They need empathy first, and information later.
Finally, when a receiver is ready, they take ownership of the help. When they aren’t, the help is often wasted or discarded because it wasn’t integrated into their own plan for progress.

Pujya Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar founder of The Art of Living says, “When we do daana, charity, or help someone who is really in need, the sigh of relief from that soul brings positive vibrations to you. These good deeds bring you merit, which in turn helps you go deep in meditation and elevate your consciousness. If we think of how we can be useful to those around us, we can never get depressed. People who get depressed do not know this. They get depressed because they keep thinking only about themselves. If they start to give or serve they will notice that their depression has vanished”

He continues, “Let’s ask ourselves, ‘How can we be useful to people around us, and to the whole world?’ Then our hearts start to blossom. The best seva is helping someone to understand this eternal nature of life. Life is a journey, moving from the joy of taking, to the joy of giving.

You can read my earlier blogs on this subject here

Good Deed Bad Turn – To serve or not to serve
Good Deed – Where to Draw the line!