ensures

In the land of Kurukshetra it was war time between 2 armies of cousins (Kauravas & Pandavas). They were vying for control of Hastinapur. While both sides were very powerful and fearless, the difference was that the Kauravas were very arrogant while the Pandavas were very humble and positive. During those times, it was normal for warring parties to seek alliance alliance with other powerful kings and kingdoms to help in the war. Both Duryodhana and Arjuna arrived in Dwarka at the same time to ask for Krishna’s support in the upcoming war. Krishna was asleep.

Krishna’s offer to Arjuna was “I will provide my great courageous army (Narayani Sena) to one of you and my guidance and moral support to another one. As I will not take part in the war myself. Arjuna as you are the younger one & as I saw you first, “I will let you choose first. Tell me which one would you like from me.” Duryodhana was very scared that Arjuna would choose the great army and win the war. But surprisingly, Arjuna chose Krishna’s guidance and moral support without hesitation. Duryodhana was full of joy and chose the Narayani Sena as help from Krishna. Foolish Duryodhana didn’t even think that without Krishna the Narayani Sena was merely an army and chose it. While the smart Arjuna knew that with Krishna’s guidance his victory was confirmed.

Since Duryodhana viewed Krishna as a military asset. He wanted the Narayani Sena (the massive army). By sitting at the head, he focused on status and his own needs. He didn’t want the person; he wanted the product. He treated the King of Dwarka like a vendor and that is exactly what he got.

Contrast this with what Arjuna did who arrived later and sat humbly at Krishna’s feet. When Krishna woke up, his eyes fell on Arjuna first. Arjuna wasn’t there to deal; he was there to seek guidance and strength from someone he loved and respected. Arjuna chose a single, unarmed Krishna over a million soldiers. He chose the relationship over the transaction.

Because Duryodhana was transactional, he left with exactly what he asked for—the army. But he missed the “Soul” of the victory. Arjuna, by choosing the relationship, gained the Bhagavad Gita and a guide who ensured his ultimate success. Duryodhana got the stuff but lost the war. Arjuna got the person and won everything.

When you deal with others with a “What can I get?” attitude (the head), you might get the favor, but you lose the ally. When you approach with “How can we connect?” (the feet), you gain the wisdom and support that money or power can’t buy.

A relationship be it Personal or Professional, is an exchange of energy, not just of information. When you treat it like a transaction, you strip away the humanity and turn a connection into a calculation. This mindset is a sureshot prescription for failure and consequently leaves behind huge damage many time irreparable.

In a transaction, you give ₹X to get Y. It is closed-ended and selfish. A true relationship is generative. It creates new ideas, builds trust, and fosters empathy—things that don’t have a fixed “price tag.” As the old saying in India goes, When you stop counting what you get back, you open the door to genuine insight and long-term loyalty.

If people feel you only talk to them when you need something, they stop listening. You become a user and not a partner. We know what happened when a colleague who messages you only when he needs a favor, never once asking how your weekend was or how a difficult project ended. Eventually, you start ignoring their pings. Trust dies over a period of time in such cases.

Transactions have narrow goals. If you only talk to people “useful” to your current goal, you miss out on the unexpected brilliance of diverse perspectives. At a networking event if you only speak to CEOs, you may end up losing the quiet person in the corner who happens to be a brilliant consultant or someone who could have become a lifelong friend. This is the cost of leaving no chance for serendeptiy.

Lastly, treating every interaction as a deal is exhausting. It turns your social life into a spreadsheet. You lose the joy of simply being heard and understood. When a salesperson treats a client purely as a commission check, client starts feeling the pressure, senses the lack of care, and eventually switches to a competitor who actually remembers their name.

People don’t remember what you asked for; they remember how you made them feel while asking.