Working to make it Work!

As we complete 26 years of this blissful journey of togetherness – a journey that we began as 23 year olds, with joy in our heart and hopes in our minds, someone asked me why I write (by now the customary) blogs acknowledging her gracious (for me grateful) presence. I have so many reasons to do that.

Definitely not for this!!!

Firstly, I got to acknowledge that she deserves much more than whatever even the best of my words and language that I possess can ever express and secondly, considering the alternative – a Card – Sorry! that would be a pathetic replacement to what I want to really say (also there is not enough space on it to write these or for photographs). This is also done to let the world know that this journey is possible even in these days. Finally, I also write to remind some folks who would have forgotten that it is a special day for us, to wish and bless us to continue this journey into eternity.

“Only spiritual elevation can take away loneliness, not soul mates” said, Founder of Art of Living and our Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar ji. Yet He blessed us all along to make it easy for me to elevate myself spiritually taking away my loneliness but also ensured that soul mate made it even more easier.

Those who know us would congratulate me, but they would agree and credit Aparna for this wonderful journey – that could well be an example of what & how it is supposed to be – Woman who is fixed, robust and capable of restoring any fallen ones around her. Someone who with lot of sacrifice, unknown to all of us, ensured that “Life is a celebration” not just for the immediately family but to the extended family (Let me assure you that it is definitely not a small one). This was evident just 2 days ago, on the Ugadi day – Painstakingly prepared fares, everything home made with a touch of love (that can never come when eating out) – egging us to do this or do that to ensure that guests simply feel WOW and want more! This has been the feature everyday of the 26 years that Aparna has embellished my life.

I am sure children wouldn’t disagree that life, without her constant but extremely caring and loving nagging, would never been the same. How much ever they are grown, they are still the 1-5 year olds in her eyes and thoughts. Without being overbearing, her care is simply overpowering. Same with her colleagues at work. I am yet to hear someone saying anything “not good” about this wonderful soul, who took up the huge challenge to live with me for 26 long years, bearing all my idiosyncracies (especially when it comes to food) and still working to continue this journey into eternity.

Then we have the extended family – Sindhu, Swathi, Iti, Asha, Meghana, Arun, Raghu, Yathin, Vidya, Giri, Binoy, Nagesh, Leela, Parinith, Rijina and this list goes on… who also bear the brunt of her love and care.

Sindhu, Vishnu, Aparna, Swati, Me, Iti and Divya On Ugadi Day
Vidya, Vishnu, Aparna, Me, Yathin, Giri and Divya On Ugadi Day

For those who want to know how it works! This journey comes with lots of ups and downs. My confession upfront! It is definitely she who goes more than half way to make it work. It is more “up” for her than me. It is more down for me than her. So all credits to her there! There are many things that we may not see eye to eye, that keeps cropping up again and again. We chose to work around those differences, accept those differences and lived with them. After a couple of years, we both gave up our attempts to change the other (though we haven’t stopped trying, we don’t insist that the other person changes to meet our expectations). This concept of marriage is what amazed our friends from Germany (Ulrich, Steffen, Tobias and many others) who worked in our office (Crompton Greaves Limited) as interns, during the initial years of our marriage. I had only one thing to tell them – In India, we don’t change our spouses – we change ourselves. Not so easy but we grow up seeing our parents making extreme degree of surrender of one’s compromisable principles, mindset and also beliefs to keep a marriage going and keep it blissful. I added, “We got to work to make it Work“

A few months later in a contemplative mood, she asked how is it that our relationship of absolute opposite working – we only looked at each other, grinned and then picked up another argument to keep this relationship firing. It got to be a miracle. Did we believe in miracle? No! We don’t just believe, we rely on it (as Sri Sri spoke during one of His discourse). Our journey is a living example. And I would be claiming false credit if I say it is because of me. Thanks my Dear! For making all those philosophy work in our case.

Happy Anniversary, dearest Aparna. You are simply the best. As I wrote in one of the earlier pieces, “You Complete Me”

Loads and Loads of love!

Decided to gift ourselves a Pilgrimage Trip to Tirupati to express our gratitude to the Lord for this amazing present. Sharing some pictures of the journey so far

A friend whom we met exactly 2 months ago in same place
Lady of the Day!
Kanipakkam Vinayaka Temple
Kanipakkam Vinayaka Temple
Kanipakkam Vinayaka Temple
Kanipakkam Vinayaka Temple
Kanipakkam Vinayaka Temple
Our Meal 🙂

Srinivasa Mangapuram
Srinivasa Mangapuram
Kapaleshwara Temple, Tirupati

Signing of as always with a song chosen just for you

Ramans of Work place – Not a Myth!

Was watching a lovely Malayalam movie of early 90’s – Bharatham. An amazing movie that many of us can connect. What was appreciable is not just the storyline but wonderful portrayal of their roles by Nedumudi Venu (Raman) and Mohanlal (as Gopi that won him the National Award for Best Actor). A classical music aficionado that I am, liberal sprinkling of lot of lovely Carnatic based songs  was a bonus – Dr Yesudas won the National Best Male Playback Singer for the song Ramakadha Gaanalayam (youtube link below, for those who love Carnatic vocal music)

Here we go with the plot of the movie. Cutting out the Masala part of the storyline…

Gopi is a member of family with carnatic music heritage and himself is a good singer. Raman who is also an excellent singer, is Gopi’s elder brother, guru and role model.

Raman reigns in the family and in the society with his music. But he turns into alcoholic. Despite several attempts by family members to make him give up the habit and several failed assurances to his family members, he is unable to give up the habit.

Once Raman reaches for a concert in an inebriated state and Gopi is forced to take over. He is an instant hit with the masses. This has been depicted quite symbolically during the song Sree Vinayagam. Gopi’s music, which was hidden behind his brother’s charisma now flows out in full strength.

Taking this as an insult, Raman starts hating his brother and strives hard to recover from alcoholism.

Further Raman’s morale is shattered when organizers of the Tyagaraja Aaradhana select his brother over him to perform. This makes Raman angry.

So Gopi decides to stop singing… Noooo… Wait….. Changing the plot to the real world situation….


Today, no Professional worth his salt will stop singing.  Narrating a real life experience from a Manufacturing Company (not exact words, but this part could have been published elsewhere as a case study). 

The HR Manager (HRM) and his Recruiting Executive (RE) who joined him recently hit off very well. It was an enviable Professional relationship. During initial days on the job RE filled several number of jobs that had been open for quite a long time. For the RE, it was not a big task to do because there was no recruiting process at all. There was good traction in the organization and recruitment consultant engagement & hiring agencies fees dropped to all time low.

The Hitch: The HRM was unable to celebrate these achievements – this despite the entire organization acknowledging that the credit is ideally HRM’s whose support to RE (freedom to conceptualize and implement processes) was instrumental in this success.  But over a period of time, forget acknowledgement, HRM even felt threatened and looked all possible ways to kill enthusiasm and throttle the RE – RE cannot be faulted because she was expressly clear on what she wanted in her career and would have gone crazy doing all things a HRM is expected to do. She simply enjoyed what she was doing. Hell No! HRM would have none of it.

RE then seeks professional advise from another senior who advises her to have a discussion on the roadmap of what and how she wants to achieve the goal of recruitment. In case he agrees, then jointly present it to the leadership team so that there is already a buy-in. If he doesn’t agree always seek his advise on why it was not Ok and suggest improvement.

RE ponders this over and decides that if he wants her out and disagreement is for sake of disagreement, does it really make sense to to stay back with this unpleasantness?  There seem to be an obvious thought and energy mismatch. The goal is not to keep the job, but to shift the energy if possible,  If not, to move on and keep moving fast down your path.

Who knows what is waiting after this adventure? It couldn’t get worse anyway. When you are in the depth, only way is up!


The orginal story doesn’t matter any more, but reproducing the same to bring this to a closure (I suggest watching the movie is a better options – I promise it is worth your time 🙂 The plot continues…..

So Gopi decides to stop singing. But on hearing this Raman understands his mistake and asks Gopi to sing at Tyagaraja Aaradhana.

Ramanathan attends his brother’s concert in a drunken state but is able to appreciate his brother’s talent. With a longing to get rid of the alcoholism and perform a concert with his brother, he sets on a pilgrimage, but was never to return. Gopi, getting to know that Raman is killed in an accident, is forced to conceal this truth because of their vocally disabled sister’s marriage. Gopi gets lot of moral support with Devi, who also knows about the truth. Gopi’s trauma reaches penultimate when his family comes to know about Raman’s death and that Gopi was concealing it. Everything ends fine when the family understands his intentions.


Beware of Ramanathans – they are the ones who are the lurking dangers of any organization. Faster they are identified, lesser talents are lost!

If you don’t recognize and acknowledge a deserving person, someone else from another company will. And then asking them to stay back with promises never works (from Linked In)

Signing off with another song from the same movie – Raghuvamshapathe….

 

Love or Hate the Act, not Actor

Starting with an excerpt from “About” section of this site.  Easier said than done! Basic premise is that no one is bad, only their acts are.

Love or hate what I write or do, please don’t love or hate me. In short, love/hate Sureshisms and not Suresh.

 

I “have tried to“ imbibe this philosophy in my career of nearly 29 years, of which it was Team Lead or above after the first 4 years which has saved me a lot of blushes, retain exceptional talent and also get along with people better or atleast as much as any of my colleagues could. A subordinate making a blunder is never damned (or allowed to be damned by his peers or superiors) whatever the cost and (s)he was defended & protected to the core (Unless it was an act against principles of ethics and integrity). It is not very difficult. List down whatever good this employee has contributed and you have an answer, why “a” blunder however costly it may seem, should not be the reason to dump the person into the cellar.

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
― Dale Carnegie

 

Just look around, everyone seem to be fed on staple diet of Condemnation, which is being relished too and you see only bad (Work, Politics, Religion, Media). What does it change? Zilch! Whereas compassion and understanding, a tinge of positivity goes miles to change things and transforms the unchangeable.

My eternal favourite Sloka on Leadership from Bhagavad Gita 3:21

yad yad acarati sresthas; tat tad evetaro janah |
sa yat pramanam kurute; lokas tad anuvartate ||

Whatever action is performed by a great man, common men follow in his footsteps. And whatever standards he sets by exemplary acts, all the world pursues.

Take away: A leader who does not lead by example is not a leader at all. Not about preaching, it is about doing. What you do, is emulated – not what you talk

And another thing I picked up along the journey is Leadership is not about Power, it is about Empowerment. Else you remain a Manager or the dreaded 4-lettered word “BOSS”

Signing off with a quote about the fakes, I love (Author Unknown)

“Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.”