66 Climbs, One Destination : Finding Freedom in the Forest

This article is purely my reflection of the deep spiritual journey and the paradox of finding freedom through the fire of discipline. As they say, any spiritual pursuit is very personal and experiential. No words or experience is standard, and the unexpected experiences are almost often most rewarding, this I say with benefit of hindsight. Not expecting anything, performing a pilgrimage for the sake of it, not even yearning for a Darshan or ascension of 18th Holy steps is a state that attracts abundance of blessings from Him. Simply treat it as a journey of a jigyasu’s soul that seeks to find its home.

65th Pilgrimage – June 2025
64th Pilgrimage (February 2025)

To complete 66 pilgrimages is no ordinary feat for an ordinary mortal like me. For us it is an abundance of compassionate blessings from Him, carved into the hills where Ultimate devotee of Shri Rama, Shabari sought and found her Beloved. In the tradition of Sabarimala, 18th, 36th, and 54th pilgrimages are milestones, actually the years following the numbers – 19, 37 & 55 is significant as we go again as a Kanni Swami (First-timer) on these pilgrimages. Kanni Swami is bringing every pilgrim down to earth, on to the first step from the 18th. In my initial pilgrimages, much before the Patinettampadi was plated, pilgrims break coconuts on the step corresponding to their number of pilgrimages – 1st timer on the 1st, 2nd timer on the 2nd and so on. After the 18th rebooting the pilgrimage and breaking the coconut on the 1st during 19th Pilgrimage as Kanni Swami is to help us shed any ego that set in us.

Patinettam Thirupadi (18 Holy Steps)

There is a strange, divine gravity at Sabarimala. Every time I stand before the Patinettampadi (the 18 holy steps), I feel I am seeing them for the first time, yet I have been coming home for 66 time.  The word Tatvamasi (written as Thathwamasi on the facade of the Sannidhanam) is the final destination of the Vratam. I say this with utmost sincerity, It isn’t just a sign; it is a spiritual mirror. I am sure every pilgrim feels the same. Literally, it is yelling at the pilgrim “The One you have been searching for in the forest, across the rivers, and up the 18 steps is actually YOU.”  (Tat: That (the Supreme Reality); Tvam: You (the Individual); Asi: Are which means Thou Art That”) For the curious, Tatvamasi is one of the four Mahavakyas (Great Utterances) from the Upanishads.

Tatvamasi

Transcribed this talk from a commentary on this Mahavakya Tatvamasi by a former Melsanti of Sabarimala Shri Dharma Shasta Temple – Bramhashri Jayaraman Potti

Think of the universe as a vast, shimmering ocean and yourself as a single, tiny wave dancing on its surface. For most of your life, you’ve likely defined yourself by the height of that wave, its speed, or how close it is to the shore. You feel separate, small, and perhaps a little afraid of the moment the wave hits the sand and disappears. But Tatvamasi is the ancient voice of wisdom whispering a radical truth: you aren’t the wave; you are the water.

In the simplest English, Tatvamasi translates to “Thou Art That” It is a grand identity statement that strips away your name, your job, your bank balance, and even your physical body to reveal a deeper reality. The “That” refers to the infinite, the spark of life that powers the stars and keeps the planets in orbit. The “Thou” is you—the silent observer behind your eyes. The “Art” is the bridge, the cosmic “equals” sign that says there is no difference between the two.

Imagine a gold necklace, a gold ring, and a gold bangle. To the casual observer, they are three different things with different prices and shapes. But to the goldsmith, they are all just gold. The shape is temporary, but the substance is eternal. Tatvamasi suggests that while our shapes, our personalities and bodies, look different, the substance we are made of is the exact same universal consciousness.

People often ask, “Why go back so many times for a 15-20 second Darshan?” They don’t realize that those few seconds are the spark, but the 41-day Vratam is the fuel. Contrary to what people generally have come to believe, the 41-day (called a Mandala) Vratam (Penance) is not a period of restriction; it is a period of unburdening. Wearing the Black itself is a huge burden off the head. While we otherwise live to the world’s requirement of etiquette, dress and behaviour by wearing black, I shed the ego of style and status. We become invisible to the world (and vice versa) and visible only to the Divine – a one-to-one conversation.

Walking without footwear isn’t about physical pain; I attribute my perfect health with absolutely no prescription life (like Diet or Exercise etc) to this bare foot trek. Unknowingly, a acupressure working its magic on me. It’s also about staying grounded and feeling the pulse of the Earth—the same Earth 12-year-old Manikanta walked upon. Can there be a better incentive than this for a pilgrimage. Walk with me and you will realise what I am trying to say.

The Sattvic Life & Brahmacharya is not about sacrifice. When we control what we eat, say, and think, we realize we aren’t slaves to our impulses. The Vratam is a “mental detox.” It sharpens the mind so that when you finally stand at the Sannidhanam, your soul is clear enough to reflect the light of the Shri Dharma Shasta.

My 1st Guruswami, my Father initiated us, 4 brothers into this Pilgrimage when I was in Class 2. When we brothers got used to luxuries like inability to sleep on mat when we attended a wedding, or walking without footwear etc very early in our lives, he made us realise that is not a luxury, it is bondage and the only way he thought we could learn was experiencing it. When Sabarimala was not as developed as today and with no accommodation in Sannidhanam, the arduous bare-foot trek made us feel that the floor on which we laid down (Viri) was better and luxurious that the Foam Bed that we could not sleep without. We often think discipline is a cage. Sabarimala pilgrimages taught me that it is actually the key. When I follow the strict rules of the pilgrimage, I am no longer worried about my cravings or my social standing. I am free from the “Self” (the Aham). This discipline doesn’t stifle me; it protects me from the chaos of the outside world.

Just a Break on the most luxurious Seat
(Nothing to do with Medical Emergency)

In the forest, under the weight of the Irumudi, I am not a Corporate Executive, a father, or a citizen. I am simply “Swami.” There is no greater freedom than losing your identity in the chant of “Swamiye Saranam Ayyappa.” This is the reason why every pilgrim at Sabarimala—regardless of their job, wealth, or age—is called “Swami.” When you wear the Mala, the world stops seeing you as an individual and starts seeing you as a manifestation of the Lord. By calling every other pilgrim “Swami,” you are practicing Tatvamasi—recognizing the divine spark in every person you meet on the trek. When you reach the Sannidhanam and read “Tatvamasi,” it is a reminder that once the ego is dropped, only the Divine remains.

The Luxurious Throne

A quick Darshan is a divine tease. It’s like a single drop of nectar that makes you crave the whole bottle. At 66th pilgrimage, the trek isn’t get easier, but I can vouch that my heart gets lighter. I return every year because, in those brief seconds before His Murti, time stops. The exhaustion of the trek, the sweat, and the 41 days of penance all vanish, making me feel it was fictitious in the first place. I come back again & again simply to experience the high of freedom of being His.

PS: It will be unfair if I don’t acknowledge our Pilgrim Gang – about 25 of them are common in all pilgrimages. They make the entire process from Vratam to Irumudi to Pilgrimage a Wonderful Experience. Thank you Swamis, Malikappurams, Manikantas

Don’t Chop the Banyan: Strengthen Roots, Not Ratings

Assessing veteran educators in technical fields requires a shift from “inspection” to “collaboration.” These teachers often possess deep institutional memory and hands-on expertise that a checklist can’t capture. One of the methodology to assess them while keeping their dignity and ego intact is to rename the Assessment. This is especially true when learning and information is everywhere in the modern times and does not necessarily need a campus.

As they say, choice of words matter. Terms like “Performance Review” or “Audit” are better avoided when dealing with Senior Trainers. Maybe calling it as “Knowledge Sharing Sessions” where the projection is that the assessment is a way for them to document their expertise for the next generation. Or call it “Strategic Benchmarking” where we position assessment as a high-level alignment with industry standards rather than a critique of their teaching style. Teachers in India are still revered and whatever is done has to be with this in mind. Even an imaginary negation of this reverence in public especially with students in audience, would definitely result in immense negative repercussions.

Teachers even today are a revered Figures, Respect that in all situations

In my experience as a trainee, then a trainer and manager of trainers, trainer of trainer, what really a great Trainer does in a class? It is not delivering domain subject; they go way beyond that. They are far more holistic than we can really imagine. When assessing teachers for 10-20 minutes, especially senior teachers observing their class and then offering criticism can be highly detrimental and often ineffective if not handled with great care and objectivity. Anyone would agree that when there is an observer watching over our shoulder, the entire classroom environment is altered. Teaching become unauthentic too, however senior they are there would be performance anxiety (deliver to expectation of assessors, not students anymore), lack of spontaneity (handy when a teacher faces an unexpected question, or even re-calibrate the pace based on engagement), In such scenario assessor would end up making wrong conclusion and may not be a reflection of a trainer’s everyday skill. To quote an equivalence an observation is just a snapshot, and not an entire movie. The trainer’s class is not disjoint set of topical delivery but a series of carefully woven & intricate yet contiguous sub-units (for e.g. it may be bang in the middle of a multi-period unit or even the end. When an assessor begins assessing at this, there is lack of context in terms of student learning, unit’s learning outcome or even the previous coverage. The assessment becomes superficial and criticism becomes non-constructive. It is like judging the entire movie based on a Screenshot.

A Screenshot is just a Screenshot, not an Entire Movie

Very often assessor’s style becomes the prism to judge performance of other Trainer. This lack of similarity in styles may not be necessarily pedagogically unsound. I use humour a lot even when teaching Electronics (especially Measurement systems need a lot of it else it works better than best sedative). And there is risk of confirmation bias too. Criticism was focussed on perceived flaws and not necessarily on measurable outcomes. Most importantly, the exercise would undermine allowable professional autonomy and even trust. It would definitely demoralise and result in loss of trust on the administration, whereas the expectation is that the processes foster growth.

A senior trainer faring well on measurable metrics validates them as trainers. Not my point there is no need to assess or improve. My emphasis on using objective metrics. To quote a real example during an assessment process: A senior trainer teaching well for over 10 years, when asked to rate herself on scale of 1 to 4 rated herself level 2 because she felt there is always scope of improvement and learning, was dissed with statements like, “”are you training being at level 2 and messed with students who need level 4“. This is where I differentiate between criticism and feedback. We need to establish a clear metrics that would help both sides in making life easier and better for every stakeholder.

Though not related to pedagogy I had an interesting argument on management style with Late Dr Reguraj of NTTF on our management styles. He was convinced when I said that if we were to interchange our styles, we will end up as a pathetic sideshow. To clarify It was being a democratic or autocratic leadership styles. I did not have the persona, experience, wisdom or bandwidth like him to lead for a autocratic leadership style which worked for him for nearly 6 decades (evident in the heights that the organisation reached)

Often in my experience a Peer-to-Peer Model has helped avoiding senior teachers feeling patronized if assessment is performed by resources (especially from HR or Administration which is most often the process in Indian Organisations. Problem is compounded if they are younger in age both physical and age in the organisation. One of the ways that we overcame this when I was working with a reputed University was to bring in External SMEs. They are more likely to accept feedback from someone they perceive as a true peer who understands the technical grind and not a HR or administration who has no skin in this game (as seen from the lenses of the Teacher being assessed). It is also true in case of an assessor from the domain irrespective of age but not acknowledged widely as an authority of the domain.

Focus on “Modernization” over “Competence”. Never question their fundamental knowledge. Instead, focus the assessment on how they adapt that knowledge to new tools. “Your grasp of Robotic Arm dynamics is undisputed. Let’s look at how we can integrate this new simulation software into your lab sessions.”  This frames the gap as a technological shift, not a personal failure. If I were to suggest, there is no need to carry out an assessment of senior teachers focussing on technical or domain grounds. Focus rather on the pedagogical process and classroom management or engagement abilities. The basic assumption here is that the senior teacher’s domain expertise is a given (if not, he/she has no business to be in the role in the first place)

Adopting newer tools suitable to the times

Implement 360-Degree “Growth” Feedback. Instead of a top-down verdict, use a more holistic approach, start with self-appraisal first: This would let them lead giving a sense of ownership of the process. Seek suggestion on where they feel the department needs to go and what support they need to get there. Most important is how student impact is presented. There is no doubt that it has to be used but use it with care, filter it. In a tech training context, it is better to focus on clarity and Industry Readiness rather than Likability scores. Anyone would agree likability is actually trivial to a senior academic who is programmed to think that he is not here to win a Popularity contest.

Outcome can be drastically useful for all stakeholders if we drive the conversation towards how system at the end of the process would be a legacy that they leave behind for generations to come. Appeal to their role as mentors. Ask them to demonstrate their teaching methods so that the institution can “standardize their excellence.” Sit in their class to “learn their secrets” of student engagement. While doing this you get to see their performance, but they feel like they are being consulted for their wisdom.

Make it a Mentoring Knowledge Session

Some Tips based on My experience

Having made the point, it is a given that things need to keep pace and keep changing. A key cog in the VET space is the Trainer and getting them to get better, is a mandate. Factoring the Banyan equivalence (reverence), we also need to consider that while we used to value teachers for their vast domain knowledge, a student can Google a fact in seconds. We should assess senior teachers not on what they know, but on how they teach students to filter, verify, and apply what the web provides. It helps to think of them as a Strategist not a Sage, as a Curator of contextualiser of information, from being controller to facilitator of learning. A senior teacher’s value lies in teaching insights not delivering information. Therefore, their assessment should focus on their ability to build a student’s “learning muscles”—critical thinking, synthesis, and curiosity—rather than their ability to produce high scorers on a static test. Ascertain trainers are able to move beyond Syllabus compliance to Skill Architecting, helping students learn independently. I remember a couple of Teachers of my times – Mr Basudev Ganguly, Mr Chandrashekhar, Mr Vivek Nayak, Mr Anil Kumar in the VET space and Ms Usha Madhavan or Ms Prabha in my Primary schools. Looking back they were way ahead of times

Red-Line Phrases, Avoid these at any cost.

  • The data shows your performance is dipping.
  • Younger teachers are doing this better.
  • You need to change your old-school ways.

Green-Light Phrases. Try and use these

  • We want to document your ‘secret sauce’ for the department.
  • How can the institution support your vision for this lab?
  • Your experience is vital for our upcoming accreditation/audit.

When I was Principal in a reputed Technical Training School, I had an approach for my direct reportees where I start by acknowledging their years of service & also specific technical expertise. Generally I start with a “Soft-Landing” question like, “”Having seen the department evolve over the years, what is the biggest change you’ve noticed in the quality of students we are getting now?” This respects their tenure and allows them to vent about modern student challenges before I pivoted on to teaching methods. My approach to finding if the teacher was on top of the modern trends (without asking in so many words) to ask them, “If budget wasn’t an issue, what one piece of technology or lab equipment would you bring in to make your subject more hands-on for today’s industry?”  This while being a feedback to act on, also reveals if they are keeping up with industry trends without me asking, “Do you know what’s new?”

To get them to a high and open up even more, I generally would explore in their own words which of their teaching modules creates the biggest ‘Aha!’ moment for the students? And nudge them to answer how can we help them to scale that impact” This approach focuses on their success & also allows us to suggest digitizing or modernizing that specific module.

It is obvious that Kaizens are not preserve of a manufacturing industry alone. There is always a better way to do things even in education and training field. With rapidlychanging technology scenario it is obvious there could be a definite skill gap. Instead of framing it as a personal gap we can shift it as one of Institutional gap when we ask questions like  “With industry standards shifting toward things like [AI/Automation/Green Tech], where do you feel our current curriculum—or even our faculty support—needs a boost?”

As an ego massage and reinforcing it as a leader (Mentorship Feeling), and as an indicator of their teaching philopshopy nudge them to answer question like, ““The junior faculty often look to you for guidance. What is the one ‘golden rule’ of technical training you think they should never forget?” This works exceedingly well as we now seek their expertise, not test their expertise.

Meet in their Office – Instead of Summoning to Principal’s office

To summarise, shift the mindset from “I am checking your performance”, to “I am seeking your expertise to upgrade the department.”  Avoid the Boss’s Office vibe. Meet over tea or in their cabin. Use terms like Strategic Vision, Legacy, Industry Alignment, and Institutional Pillar. Don’t dump raw student complaints. Translate them into Opportunities for Modernization. The core issue with most processes is its obsession with perfecting the past. Most working overtime to raise test scores, essentially getting better at a game that no longer matters. In the middle of a global shift, doubling down on outdated metrics isn’t progress—it’s a distraction. We need to stop polishing the old system and start reimagining the skills, literacies, and outcomes our children actually need to thrive today. Remember! Today’s students have not seen a world without Internet, notwithstanding the Digital Divide. The assessment process more often than not doesn’t factor the fact that use of technology to find answer is a norm today, not an exception except when they come to the campuses. Determine the readiness to address this, not based on assessors’ outdated understanding of who a perfect trainer is. Assessment should help the organisation decide, if a senior teacher is just a human textbook, in which case they are redundant. If they are a coach for the “learning skill,” they are indispensable.

Strategy or Riding a High Tide

Let us think of a successful batsman trying to become a Wicket-keeper. He may drop a few catches and will be clumsy at first, but his batsman’s eye helps him anticipate the ball’s trajectory better than a pure keeper. He becomes a more complete player but can never the best keeper in the world. Take the case of Ravi Shastri. In later part of his career, he retained his place in the team for his batting though he was picked in the team initially as a spinner. Despite that Ravi Shastri can never be a Gavaskar or a Tendulkar.

In case of organisations or individuals, when we push into areas where we don’t have a natural edge or stepping away from our core strengths it is like a double-edged sword. It’s the fastest way to feel like a beginner again, which is both humbling and incredibly risky. We get back to basics and re-live the pangs of learning curve Stings. We also  develop an inferiority complex when we realise that the tasks that experts finish in an hour might take us a day or even more. Add to that there is a fat chance that we would face a failure in early attempts, which may end up in denting our confidence in what is known as Competence Gap Friction. What this also means is there is energy drain because a huge extra piece of effort is called for and we will not be in an effortless work mode or flow state. Not just the physical fuel even mental fuel is drained. People (and the organisation) get exhausted much earlier as compared to the time we were playing to our strengths.

Dangers of Diversification from Core Strength
Picture Courtesy: Co-Pilot

If we were a business, moving away from our core can confuse our Consumer or the market. People who considered us for X may be diffident to the extent of being nervous when you start trying to sell them Y. There is also a risk of wrong perception of diluted values in the eyes of our consumer. This phenomenon is experiential. A customer in fact an operational advisor during a review question the scatter of our efforts and dilute value. A greater risk is resource bleed. In our attempt to fix a weakness we may (will) end up expending inordinate amount of both time and money. We cut budgets to nurture or nourish our strengths that actually pay our bills. Strengths gradually wither due to neglect.

Do we end up being a Psychological Imposter? Yes, any diversification, even our strength areas leave alone non-core areas goes through this phase where from being a go-to person, we are treated as a student. Most of the organisations end up feeling that they have lost the spark. Consequently, we end up in an Identity crisis, losing our grip on things that got us on top, in the first place.

It is easy to mistake a lucky break for a winning formula. When we operate outside our core strength, we are more prone to “False Positives” i.e. successes achieved despite our strategy, not because of it. We should exercise extreme cautious of odd successes. Sometimes, entering a new field coincide with a market upswing or a specific trend. Win may not be necessarily because of the strengths; it could well be because the tide lifted all boats. If we double down based on this win, we’ll be devastated when the market stabilizes and our lack of deep expertise is exposed. It is dangerous to rely too much on a Beginner’s luck.

Riding on a High Tide, Core Competence is the Guiding Light Picture
Picture Courtesy: Co-Pilot

In India, we often hear stories of the one dropout who built a unicorn or the one engineer who became a superstar chef. Remember, for every one person who succeeded outside their core, thousands failed quietly. If our success cannot be replicated through a clear process, it is an outlier, not a strategy. Avoid survivor bias to ensure that we do not concluding based on wrong premise.

We might hit a target (like high sales) but at a cost that is unsustainable. If someone dispassionately digs deep we may find that we spent far more than the usual effort or sacrificed our reputation to get that one “win” in a weak area. Treating this as a success ignores the burnout or brand damage happening behind the scenes.

Finally, tendency to over-index on minimal anecdotal success. A single positive feedback or one big client in a new domain feels like a massive validation. It helps to remember that one data point is a dot; only multiple data points makes a trend. Unless you can show a consistent conversion or retention rates, that one success is just noise.

Not everything is bad. There is an upside to this too. We are forced to build new pathways, leading to lateral thinking and end up discovering an innovative way to apply our strengths in the new domain in a way we could have never imagined before. We also may become less fragile to market changes especially if the core strength is inching (or racing) towards obsolescence.

To conclude, Falling for a Shiny market Object and getting de-focussed is a risk best avoided. Remember, a bigger menu doesn’t necessarily mean it is better. Ensure it is a diversification by design not by chance. Good to ride a high tide, but not to rely on it. And diversifying into too many areas also means it spreads thin, diluting the strength and some strengths slipping away from the grip.

Strength Slipping Away When Juggling too many Diversification
Picture Courtesy: Co-Pilot