On a drizzling Thursday evening of 11th June 2026, a call from Ravi just hurried us to visit home from work. For some reason, we decided to borrow a two-wheeler instead of driving down in our car from the office and rushed through the crawling traffic. While Shobha, who is an amazing lady and a selfless seva warrior who took care of Amma like no one else can even imagine, kept calling out to Amma to keep her eyes open, we thought she was just drifting into deep sleep due to a lack of proper rest over the last two days. It turned out to be a deep sleep alright, but one from which there was no waking up. When Aparna called out, Amma briefly opened her eyes, looked at us, tried to say something, and drifted back to a permanent sleep. Me and Aparna, who were wearing the Maala for our 67th Sabarimala pilgrimage, were anyway supposed to visit her that evening to offer traditional Dakshina and seek her blessings for our upcoming Saturday trip. Amma herself was a devout Ayyappa Bhakt who had completed 31 pilgrimages before age restrictions paused her streak. Perhaps this was Ayyappa’s way of saying He was satisfied with her Tapas. Befitting her lifelong devotion, she began sinking with two Swamis, Ravi, and Shobha around her. When the doctor arrived a few minutes later, he could only detect a faint pulse and told us the time had come. We broke our Deeksha, removed our Maalas in the Puja room, and rushed back to her side before she peacefully soared to the Lotus Feet of Bhagwan Krishna to join our Father and elder brother. She was the inspirational anchor of our family and a pillar of support for everyone in the local Ayyappa temple and AOL community. The challenges that she faced and conquered them successfully that too in early 1960s is unthinkable in a traditional society like ours. That makes her even more special and BRAVE!
After the Antyesthi and post-rituals, following the departure of all relatives and friends, it was time for us as a family to sit together when we truly missed the towering presence of this bundle of infinite energy. A few days thereafter it was some me-time for me to reflect on her lasting influence on my life. Replaying all small incidents and anecdotes, not only with her but also with Dad and Brother, brought a smile albeit with a tinge of pain. It was during these moments that I got pondering on the essence of death. It is something that is such a certain phenomenon, yet it remains so unacceptable for the near and dear ones of the departed. Thought of capturing those thoughts here specifically about what is it that affects us when we lose our Amma.
Losing our mother is the kind of pain that completely breaks something inside us. She is the person who brings us into this world, and when she is suddenly gone, our whole life feels empty and confusing. It is natural to feel shattered because the bond we share with a mother is the deepest one we ever have. But if we look at it deeply, death is not an enemy that comes to ruin life. It is actually the boundary that gives life its real value. Think of life like a canvas. A painting only exists because it has edges. Without that frame, the colors would just bleed out infinitely into nothingness, losing all their shape and meaning. In the same way, our time with our mothers is precious simply because it does not last forever. If we all lived forever, we would take every single moment for granted.
The heavy grief we carry after her loss is actually just love that has nowhere to go. It is the price we pay for being blessed with someone so special. In this universe, we do not truly own anyone; we only get to borrow them for a little while. For several decades, the universe brought a beautiful, devout soul into our lives in the form of our mother. When she leaves, she just returns to the source. Even though her physical body is not here anymore, her love, her words, and her values are completely mixed into our own character. We are carrying her forward in the way we live, the way we speak, and the way we care for others.
Trying to fight the reality of death only increases our suffering. Accepting it does not mean we stop missing her or that we pretend everything is fine. It just means understanding that death is the oldest and most honest rule of nature. Everyone who comes here has to leave one day. Instead of focusing only on the painful end, philosophy teaches us to look at the beautiful journey. The fact that she was here, that she loved us so deeply, and that we got to be her children is a permanent truth. Death can take away her presence, but it can never erase the love we shared.
To dearest Amma, the brave trailblazer, our inspirational anchor, and our constant guide, We wish you a beautiful, blissful journey into the heavens. As you find your eternal rest at the Lotus Feet of Bhagwan Krishna and Swami Ayyappa, we know you are finally reunited with Dad and Brother. As rituals draw to a close and an uncomfortable quiet settles in, home feels different without your towering presence and infinite energy. Yet, there is a profound peace in knowing that you completed your earthly Tapas so beautifully, surrounded by love and devotion until your very last breath.
You may have stepped out of your physical form, but your journey with us isn’t over. Keep shining your light upon us, dear Amma. Look down on your children and grandchildren, and continue to guide and bless us from up above, just as you always did. You will live forever in every prayer we whisper, every value we uphold, and every step we take. Which brings me to the profound Truth that Bhagwan Krishna explains to Arjuna about the immortality and indestructible nature of the soul (Atman).
नैनं छिन्दन्ति शस्त्राणि नैनं दहति पावकः।
न चैनं क्लेदयन्त्यापो न शोषयति मारुतः॥
nainaṃ chindanti śastrāṇi nainaṃ dahati pāvakaḥ
na cainaṃ kledayantyāpo na śoṣayati mārutaḥ
– Bhagavad Gita 2:23
“Weapons cannot cleave the soul, fire cannot burn it, water cannot wet it, and wind cannot dry it.”
Bhagwan Krishna helps Arjuna overcome the fear of death and grief by explaining that no physical world can harm true self. The soul is completely beyond the reach of the four physical elements: Weapons, Fire, Water and Air. Death is only of the body. Soul is eternal, unchangeable, and immortal.
🙏Om Shanti🙏